Clothesline 315 "Helping, Not Hurting"

How do we handle confrontation, situations with disagreement, where someone ends up being hurt. More often than not, we will say, “Oh he didn’t mean that,” or “I’m sure she didn’t intend to be hurtful,” or the classic response about someone who has just hurt you is, “Oh, that’s just the way she is.” I can’t tell you how often I have said that! Why do we hold ourselves in such low esteem that we accept another’s abuse and move on? Why do we do that? Or the other extreme is one who thinks so highly of herself that she simply goes into attack mode at the person she feels has wronged her. Why do we do that? What Jesus and Paul talk about is called Christian Accountability.

St. John Chrysostom, one of the most prominent doctors of the Greek Church, wrote this on the subject of Christian Accountability:

Jesus does not say, “accuse him” or “punish him” or “take him to court.” He says, “correct him.” Make your cure easy to accept. For the words “correct him” mean nothing other than help him see his indiscretion. Tell him what you have suffered from him.

Make your cure easy to accept… Have you ever heard the phrase, “Lord make my words sweet today, for tomorrow I may have to eat them?” I guess that’s a 21st century way of saying what John Chrysostom said: “Lord, make my words of confrontation easy to accept so when this confrontation is over, I will still have a friend…”

It takes work, a lot of thought, and a lot of soul-searching to walk the line of Christian Accountability. It’s so much easier to ignore a hurt, become a martyr or to be self-righteous and go on the attack. Trusting that the heart of the accuser is acting in Christian love, Jesus says, “Whatever you bind on earth, will be bound in heaven. And whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven… and where two or three are gathered in my name, I will be in the midst of them.”

How many confrontations have you had where you could say with utter certainty, “This is a confrontation in love, and the Spirit of God is here?” If you call someone to account for a wrong he or she has done, you must do it with genuine love. It must be about helping and not hurting. Paul says: “Love your neighbor as yourself…” It’s all about love of others first, isn’t it. How can I restore harmony in the face of adversity? That’s what Christian Confrontation is all about.

Whatever the situation, whatever the crisis, whatever the disagreement, when you are a Christian, you are no longer adversarial. You are brothers and sisters in Christ, trying to solve problems, attempting to live the best life you can. If all that is true, invite Jesus into those difficult places of confrontation and fear. He promises to be present…always.